A mom of three kids has been applauded by the internet for removing her teenage daughter’s bedroom door.
In a viral Reddit post, u/The-Compliment-Fairy, 40, explains her eldest and only daughter Maggie, 14, has her own bedroom, and her sons Levi, 12, and Charlie, 10, share one.
A stock image of a frustrated mom and teenager. Newsweek reached out to a parenting expert to discuss the Reddit post that has 27,100 upvotes. doble-d
Recently, Maggie keeps disturbing the household’s sleep as she slams the door every time she “enters or exits.”
Explaining her story, the mom said: “We’ve talked to her about it and asked her very politely to please be more mindful about it because it is disturbing the rest of us but it’s in one ear and out the other.
“We tried being more forceful about it saying that if she continues to slam her door there will start to be consequences. Still, nothing changes. It all came to a head the other night when she got up to use the bathroom and all four of us were woken up by the slamming. I have to be up at 5 a.m. for work and I’ve had enough of the broken sleep and come downstairs and knocked on her door. She opened it and said WHAT?! with such [an] attitude it took a lot of self-control not to start yelling.”
To resolve this issue, Maggie’s parents replaced the door with an industrial curtain as the slamming didn’t stop.
Now, the parents are being accused of being “emotionally abusive” by taking away her privacy rights.
However, the mom disagrees, she said: “We completely respect each other’s privacy in our house which is why we hung up a heavy curtain and made sure that we couldn’t see through it or around it. We even put little Velcro pieces on the walls and curtain sides so it stays in place. She still has her physical privacy which she is absolutely entitled to, but can’t slam a piece of fabric. We also have never and still don’t just go into her room unannounced and still knock on the wall to ask permission to enter. We’ve told her we’ll happily put her door back on once she agrees to respect the no-slamming rule.”
‘Slamming Doors May Well Indicate Pent-Up Anger’
Newsweek reached out to parenting expert Caroline Rowett who advises the mother to delve a little deeper.
“Teens’ behavior can be frustrating and is often intentionally done to get a rise from parents, making it easy to default to punishment. Still, parents need to dig deeper into the cause of the behavior rather than simply reacting to it. Why is their teen trying to push their buttons? What is going on that is causing them to behave in that way? Punishing instead of answering these questions misses a vital parenting moment,” Rowett, of Caroline Rowett Parenting Coaching in London, told Newsweek.
She said: “Emotional discomfort is a common cause of the behavior that infuriates parents. Slamming doors may well indicate pent-up anger or unresolved rage, for example. By understanding this, a parent can help their teen develop skills to communicate their feelings and healthily release them instead of behaving unacceptably. While punishment may push better behavior through fear, it doesn’t teach skills or improve the parent-teen bond. In most cases, it creates or deepens conflict, making it unpleasant and difficult to enjoy life with a teen.
“The teen years are emotionally and developmentally turbulent, and despite not making it obvious, teens need their parent’s help and guidance!”
Over 5,500 Redditors have commented on the post which has racked up 27,100 upvotes since it was shared on March 6.
The top comment has 47,700 upvotes, it said: “NTA. Interrupting everyone’s sleep is unacceptable. You gave her plenty of opportunities to change her door-slamming behavior and she didn’t do it. Let her sulk it out for a set amount of time (let her know this amount. . one week. . three days. . whatever you choose), then return the door conditionally for a trial. If she can refrain from slamming it, she can keep it. If not, the door gets taken off again for even more time. Rinse and repeat until she no longer slams.”
“I was all set to call OP the bad guy for taking away a teenager’s privacy, but they gave her ample chances and even gave her a curtain, which was a perfect touch. NTA,” said another.
Newsweek reached out to u/The-Compliment-Fairy for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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